-The other weekend I drove by one of those drive-thru espresso/coffee places. It was yellow, and on the side was a big drawing of the torso and head of a Mexican guy, with the full-on Pancho Villa mustache, sombrero, and poncho. The name of the place was “Beanerinos”.
-That same weekend, I also drove by a sign that directed you towards a Rainbow Trout Farm. I’ve never been to one of these farms but apparently you go to this place that has a hatchery for rainbow trout and you fish in the lake there, and are guaranteed to get a catch. That is how many trout are in this lake. Then you pay by the inch (thats what she said). I suppose its probably a good thing to take kids to or something. Anyway, it struck me as sort of morbid, as basically this Rainbow Trout Farm is really a Rainbow Trout Death Camp, a literal rainbow trout holocaust. There is no escape for the trout, their sole purpose is to be killed, and the fact they will be killed is of absolute certainty. I haven’t ate trout in like nine years.
-I don’t chew gum. I never really have either. The only time I chew gum is if the Goose makes me because I reek of bourbon. I’m getting to the point to where I do not like other people that chew a lot of gum. Seriously, go outside and go look at a bunch of people, most notably those chewing gum. It is astounding how many of those people are not only chewing gum, but just going to town on that thing, mouth completely agape, lips flapping in the breeze like Madonna in the middle of a tornado. What is most unfortunate about this phenomenon, is that a vast majority of those offenders are attractive chicks. Or, rather, they were attractive until they stuck some Big League Chew in there and decided to chew it with their mouth so open wide Peter North would get lost in there. So, ladies, if there is any one thing that you can do to make yourself unhot, it is chewing gum with your mouth open. Its gross and unattractive and you look like a cow.
-I was at a reggae festival the other weekend. A hippie there told me a joke that went: “What kind of beer do hippies drink?”. The answer was “yours”. Pretty amusing. We conversed for a little while longer until he needed to borrow some suntan lotion from us because he was burning pretty bad. I subsequently asked him “What kind of suntan lotion do hippies use?” He didn’t get it right away.
-Turd
13 responses so far ↓
1234 // Aug 13, 2008 at 10:04 am
Turd, you really don’t need to be commenting on what makes hot chicks unattractive seeing as how you are married and completely tied down with the Goose. I mean, you can pass judgment all you want on gum chewers, but we don’t give a shit what some old, fat, married guy thinks…he has no shot with the young, hot chicks anyway.
Load // Aug 13, 2008 at 12:16 pm
“I haven’t ate trout in like nine years.”
- anne heche
Count von Count // Aug 13, 2008 at 12:38 pm
1234 = female, white, single, lit major, owner of 1 cat, just got out of a bad relationship with a married guy and in need of some rough touch.
Thrill // Aug 13, 2008 at 1:38 pm
Or: male, engaged, lawyer, owner of 2 cats, living in San Francisco.
Turd // Aug 13, 2008 at 3:37 pm
Gabbeh, it must suck not to be old, fat, and unmarried and have just as much of a shot with young attractive chicks as me.
Shark // Aug 13, 2008 at 4:13 pm
Gabbeh, Turd just threw down his gage.
Gabbeh // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:09 am
Come on, guys. You had to know that was me. I make those kind of comments all the time.
I will say this: I am not engaged. I’m not fat, but I’m sure as hell not skinny. I am a lawyer. I do own cats.
Was trying to razz some people on this board, especially the newcomer to the Jo-tel, Turd. Is that so wrong? I mean, I tea-bagged JJ for God’s sake. And what was lame was that everyone thought it was a good idea that night, but the next morning the said it was fucked up.
Point is, this comment board and this blog need some spicing up.
Shark // Aug 14, 2008 at 10:37 am
Wow. I can’t believe we thought it was a bad idea for you to tea bag JJ! I was so much older then. I’m younger than that now.
Count von Count // Aug 14, 2008 at 11:33 am
I was doing the same gabbeh.
T-Bag // Aug 14, 2008 at 11:34 am
On your neck.
Thrill // Aug 14, 2008 at 11:47 am
I forgot all about that episode. And that dude JJ. Although I used to see AJ from time to time in Russian Hill.
Hip E. // Aug 14, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Remember JJ, first-floor Jo-tel roommate with the huge boobs? She was neat.
Turd Ferguson // Aug 14, 2008 at 2:10 pm
BEWWWWWWWWBS!
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