THE JO-TEL … illegal blog downfield

For once to pose questions here with a hammer and perhaps to receive for answer that famous hollow sound which speaks of inflated bowels. - Nietzsche

#1

I can't believe it. I've definitely become that guy who uses "same" in weird, archaic ways. A recent billing entry I entered at work reads, in pertinent part:

Analysis and evaluation of correspondence from Carrier for Insight Glass … in conjunction with responding to same

I know. I hate myself too. But it should be noted that not ALL archaic uses of "same" make you want to punch the sayer so much. For instance, it can be used comically. Take this line from The Holy Grail:

KING ARTHUR: Are you the wizard who guards these parts? TIM THE ENCHANTOR: THE SAME!

#2

There was this guy in college by the name of Hot Tub. Hot Tub shamelessly embodied the dumb privileged kid from the suburbs who got what he wanted just because his dad is a partner at MoFo (like admission to the University of California at Berkeley with sub-standard numbers via the old now-I'm-applying-and-I-want-to-be-in-The-School of-Natural-Reasources-now-I've-been-admitted-and-I-don't-want-
to-be-in-The-School-of-Natural-Resources-anymore-I'd-rather-be-
in-the-actual-University gambit). He also had a keen appreciation for shiny objects. Well, this Hot Tub, he was a very distrusting individual. As such, he decided to place a padlock on a large plastic chest wherein he kept all of his food and drink snackums. One day a bunch of people in our house were drinking and Hot Tub was nowhere to be seen so someone just used the cable-cutters to lop off the lock, at which point we proceeded to eat every edible thing in the chest, including a bottle of wine. We took many pictures and left the box full of little slips of papers that said things like:

I O U one snickers bar. -Ryan Dorin I owe you one bottle of 2000 Merlot -Ryan Dorin

Ryan Dorin was a dude who was too perfect to not be blamed for such excesses of less perfect people.

#3

Everyone is a lawyer now. But that's allright. I'm better than all of them. Why? Because I'm cool. I don't let it get to me. Now where the hell is my f'ing Blackberry?!!!

#4

This wonderful gem of whimsy has ruined my life: "Wuthering Heights" by Kate Bush

Out on the wiley, windy moors We'd roll and fall in green. You had a temper like my jealousy:Too hot, too greedy. How could you leave me, When I needed to possess you? I hated you. I loved you, too. Bad dreams in the night You told me I was going to lose the fight, Leave behind my wuthering, wuthering Wuthering Heights. CHORUS Heathcliff, it's me, I'm Cathy, I've come home. I´m so cold, let me in-a-your window. Ooh, it gets dark! It gets lonely, On the other side from you. I pine a lot. I find the lot Falls through without you. I'm coming back, love, Cruel Heathcliff, my one dream, My only master. Too long I roamed in the night. I'm coming back to his side, to put it right. I'm coming home to wuthering, wuthering, Wuthering Heights, CHORUS x2 Ooh! Let me have it. Let me grab your soul away. Ooh! Let me have it. Let me grab your soul away. You know it's me–Cathy! CHORUS x3 AHHHHHHH YAAAAA YAAAA OHHHH YAAAAAAA

-Shark (originally posted 10.1.07)