Parents are funny. I think we can all remember parents embarrassing us when we were younger by simply talking to us. Or when they called all drugs “dope” or used phrases like “do you guys smoke the bowl?”. Now, as we get older, it is kind of neat, or sort of novel, to invite parental units over for a party or to watch a game and hang out with your friends. Mostly because the consumption of alcohol can be shared. Also, rather than being embarrassing, most of the things they say are now funny because they are stories they could not tell you when you were younger, or they are stories or lines that are really bad where it ends up with you and your friends laughing AT them, rather than with them. However, there are those moments where you are afraid the parent will get too comfortable in this unfamiliar setting, be overtaken by some sort of social anxiety, and make an inappropriate bewb remark or the like. Then it is just awkward and everyone thinks your dad is “creepy old man reeking of scotch” guy.
Anyway, this situation occurred a little while ago, when my dad and stepmom joined some friends and I to watch an NBA Finals game. After some Kobe-hating rape jokes, a few beers and glasses of wine, my father proceeded to tell this story:
Yeah, I was working in the emergency room one night and this lady came in complaining of stomach pains. We examined her and could not find anything wrong. We took an X-ray of her torso/stomach/pelvic area and all we could see was a hunk of metal. We asked her why there would be metal inside of her. So she “goes fishing” into her hoo-ha and pulls out a napkin, which happens to be filled with jewelry. And I’m not talking just rings and earrings, but bracelets and necklaces. Apparently, she had gone to a party the night before and stolen all this jewelry and hid it by hiding it up THERE. So I threw the jewelry into a kidney basin, turned to the staff and said “Now that gives new meaning to the term jewelry box.”
Now, that’s a pretty great story. But of course, not ever having heard this story and considering its context and the fact it involved a vaginer I had my hands covering my eyes the whole time, waiting for it to get awkward and planning my “Hey dad. Why don’t you sit the next couple of plays out?” speech.
The point is, inviting parents to social gatherings is good. They
a) Will often times bring booze.
b) They will tell good stories. (see above)
c) You score points. (for x-mas and b-day gifts, possibly power tools)
8 responses so far ↓
Pseudoreid // Jun 26, 2008 at 2:54 pm
well….never invite your great Aunt hang out b/c questions like this might appear:
Scene: Drinks and music at my NYC apartment. Parents, girlfriend, a couple of friends, and great Aunt are there.
Conversation at hand: Talking about college life, and what it’s like to live in the dorm rooms.
Great Aunt - So Reid, when did you first lose your virginity?
Thrill // Jun 27, 2008 at 5:02 pm
When I was 21 my mom, sister, brother, brother’s then-fiancee (now wife), and I were all sitting around playing cards and drinking, and the conversation turned from the scotch my brother and I were drinking to how my dad (who had died a few months earlier) had been a big scotch lover. My mom makes the disgusting, this-is-the-last-thing-your-children-ever-want-to-hear mental leap from “scotch lover” to “lover”, and drops this bomb on us:
“Well your father wasn’t just a great lover of scotch; he was also a great lover.”
[Silent, palpable disgust from all four of us.]
“What?! You don’t think we had three kids by ACCIDENT, do you?”
It was horrifying.
Sosia // Jun 27, 2008 at 5:52 pm
I think that’s nice.
Hip E. // Jun 29, 2008 at 11:01 am
That’s what your mom said, Sosia.
Trey // Jun 29, 2008 at 7:11 pm
I found out during this recent trip home that I was conceived on the floor of my grandmother’s house.
Mom ruined dinner with that remark. I think I saved it by suggesting we all immediately retire to the living room to play family Mario Kart.
j_powen // Jun 29, 2008 at 9:35 pm
Two comments made by other people’s parents that I wish had never been shared:
1. “Every man has an Asian fetish.” Maybe this comment would not have induced my gag reflex if (a) I wasn’t Asian and (b) I hadn’t been friends with his kid since age 7.
2. “Men are only good for sex.” My ex-boyfriend’s mother said this to me and then laughed maniacally while I stood there extremely uncomfortably. This was our 2nd or 3rd meeting.
Thrill // Jun 30, 2008 at 2:08 pm
Well at least you know she was down for you and her son to get dirty.
Sosia: you’re right, it was a sweet thing to say; it’s just that it created the horrifying image of them having sex in my dome, which was less-than-nice.
Turd Ferguson // Jun 30, 2008 at 2:26 pm
So what you mean by less-than-nice is, nasty-dirty-hot?
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