Yesterday after a couple tall German beers at Soupenkuchen, the idea for The Jack Off seemed impossibly awesome to me. Now, sober and at work the next morning, in the cold hard light of reason … IT STILL SEEMS AWESOME. There will be (ideally) five or six participants, along with a small throng of curious spectators. The event: who can masturbate to completion in the shortest time. Flacid to Finish. Just a row of chairs and an optional towel to cover the action. However, the towel must be removed prior to completion so that the exact timing of the finish can be determined. I’m thinking $20 dollar buy-in for now– once this thing takes off, we can up the ante. Girls might be allowed on an honors system basis and maybe even with a vibtrator allowance. I’m honestly not sure how much momentum I can get on this. Every time I brought it up, Thrill had a utterly repulsed look on this face. I’m figuring he might not be alone in his visceral opposition. Regardless …. THE JACK OFF!!
Next weekend?
-Shark
13 responses so far ↓
Deepa // Feb 22, 2008 at 12:30 pm
+1 visceral opposition
Trey // Feb 22, 2008 at 2:27 pm
I am in only if we up the money pot.
Also, I do not approve of female presence. It will influence the competition. Let’s keep things pure.
britt // Feb 22, 2008 at 2:46 pm
christ I hope this is a joke. sadly I am certain it’s not.
Sosia // Feb 22, 2008 at 2:51 pm
I saw this on Playboy TV when I lived in a frat house in college. It was a girls contest, naturally. And they all looked like they were faking.
Shark // Feb 22, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Trey: are you opposed to females in the audience, or just as participants?
PETE // Feb 22, 2008 at 3:41 pm
No chicks. Just keep it five dudes alone in a room masturbating under a towel. Oh yeah, how could you NOT think this was the best idea ever?
Thrill // Feb 22, 2008 at 4:30 pm
PETE, with those rules, this competition would definitely have to take place between 1 and 2 PM. I remain disgusted, by the way.
Trey // Feb 22, 2008 at 5:48 pm
Shark, I am opposed to their general presence AND participation.
Unless we have a stable of squirters on our hands (unlikely) it will be near impossible to judge “female completion”.
As well, if there is a female in the room, participant or mere spectator, it will affect the performance of the participants.
Jaskot // Feb 22, 2008 at 8:47 pm
Can I participate remotely via video feed? My penis looks like a shard of decaying pork grissle (http://i78.photobucket.com/albums/j104/furiaspics/gristle.jpg), so catching a glimpse of that out of the corner of your eye would totally fuck up your flow.
Stickler // Feb 22, 2008 at 10:03 pm
All thats missing is a piece of bread and this sounds vaguely familiar.
Linda // Feb 23, 2008 at 12:59 pm
This is sooo not new. Dudes were doing this (or talking about it) as early as 1994.
PETE // Feb 23, 2008 at 3:41 pm
Shark, this post is SEVERELY limiting my ability to run my “Observations of a Match.com User” game on the honeys.
Hip E. // Feb 23, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Yeah. I opted out as soon as I heard about this one. This specific set of rules is ridiculous. You might as well have a competition where we try to land the spaceshuttle atlantis with our right eyes closed. Because we all have the same amount of practice doing that as we do throwing a beat in a room full of people. One of the Jackass movies has the more pure version of this competition, which is small room, no audience, and timed. Now that is a game of skill! I still don’t think I’d put $20 on it though.
Leave a Comment