THE JO-TEL … illegal blog downfield

Okay I wrote this whole thing last night. It took me 3 hours and then when I was ready to post it the site went down, and it was down for hours. So, yeah. Now it’s Thursday. Sunday Reading for next week is looking right on Schedule though.
I feel another short burst of funniness coming on so I should get this out of the way. First things first, I just got back from that den of iniquity, the Grove (for those not savvy, the Grove is like, a big outdoor mall in LA where the area’s male Persian population comes to strut about the lawns, wearing white jeans, white-rimmed sunglasses, etc., as they try to lure a mate back to their Mercedes. It’s fascinating to watch. Also, there are lots of fake boobs), where I picked up my new suit for Fuller’s wedding this weekend in Chicago. I was hoping to get something light, so that not only would I be comfortable in the North Chicago August heat, but I could also wear it in when I go to St. Johns in September for my cousin’s wedding.

But there was a nice black suit that was on sale. So I got it. Pretty much an idiotic move. But if anyone knows where I can get a bargain-priced seersucker suit in LA, holla this direction.

Also, while waiting for the suit to get hemmed after my second fitting, I walked by Victoria’s Secret and there was a huge line outside mostly comprised of men and girls too young for me to look at. This was confusing, until I happened upon a monitor with a camera feed from inside the store and lo! Heidi Klum and Marisa Miller were inside taking pictures with people. I debated waiting in line, because Marisa Miller looks like this:

… and Heidi Klum is married to Seal. But then I thought, if I wait in line like a chump to meet Marisa for like, a second, how is she going to take me seriously when I ask her out?

Okay, no Sunday Reading last week pretty much means a blow-out. This week. I’ve been too busy at work to read most of these, but perhaps you are not as busy. First, let’s get into something everybody likes.

But first, can I be serious for a moment? If anybody hasn’t seen the two HBO documentaries “Paradise Lost” and the sequel, you should. It’s about three teenagers who were thrown in jail for a triple child murder. All the defense had was a single confession from one of the victims, who was mildly retarded, and who was kept in the interrogation room for 12 hours without being allowed to see or call anyone. The confession was riddled with errors, all three defendants had alibis, and there was not a single piece of physical evidence linking any of them to the crime. The defense managed to use the satanic panic of the late 80s-early 90s to convince the jury that, because the three defendants were outsiders, who dyed their hair and listened to heavy metal, that the murders were a satanic ritual. Based on the air-tight argument, the jury sentenced two to life, and one to death. They’ve been in prison ten years now, and have been trying to get a new trial ever since. Well this week, FINALLY, the results of the DNA tests (DNA evidence wasn’t available technologically at the time of the trial so the testing didn’t get underway until recently, after much legal wrangling) came back and guess what? Not a single piece of DNA from any of the “murderers” on any of the hundred or so items tested from the murder scene. This news was not reported anywhere but locally in a corner of Arkansas. I’ve been following this case ever since I first saw “Paradise Lost,” and it pretty much pisses me off worse than anything. I even tried to get some popular bloggers I know from my old job to blog about it, so it maybe gets some attention, but so far no response. It’s a fucking travesty, this whole thing, so here’s hoping the West Memphis 3 finally get a new trial, and also, that this new evidence can help the parents of the murdered boys find the real killers. If you want to read more about this, here is the activist Web site for the WM3.

Okay, now on to the thing everybody likes:

Shrimp! aka scirmps. That’s what they call ‘em down South. You ask for shrimp, you aks for scirmp, feel me? But this isn’t just any scirmp, it’s the coolest scirmp ever, despite it’s unknown level of deliciousness. The Pistol Scirmp. From Wikipedia:

The snap can also produce sonoluminescence from a collapsing bubble, also known as a cavitation bubble. As it collapses, the cavitation bubble reaches the surface temperature of the Sun.

Here’s a video. I think Pimp C would get more that i’dine poisnin’ from eating too many of these scirmps. You have been warned, Three-6 feat. UGK.

Also, here an article about the world’s largest fresh water fish. It’s probably extinct.

Speaking of dead fish, check out the Rotten Tomatoes link for Lohan’s new movie!! 6%!! I gotta see it now. Almost every review, without exception, is entertaining. “Who could’ve predicted a bust for alleged cocaine possession, vocational self-destruction, and a general display of young Hollywood stupidity would be the career highlight of Lohan’s weekend.” Burn.

Moving on from aquatic life, here’s a story about two news helicopters that crashed into each other trying to cover the same auto accident. I don’t rally have anything to add to this one. Excuse me for a momen, though, while I wash the dripping irony off my hands.

Here’s an article from Slate about those recent studies published about obesity. Long story short, fat people tend to hang out with other fat people, which helps to keep them fat. So, fat readers, keep this in mind before your next “What are we going to do Friday night?” conversation results in yet another sojourn to the all-you-can-eay butter and cheese buffet. The article is more in-depth though.

Now, some cool interviews. Al Jean talks to Nature about the Simpsons Movie, and not about how an all-star team of the best writer in Simpsons history managed to fuck up so royally. The Bart and Flanders side story? That didn’t raise a red flag with anyone? And here’s an interview with Femi Kuti, son of Fela Kuti, who aside from being a great musician, led a pretty interesting life. Like the life Bob Marley would’ve had if he’d of not been so stoned all the time.

Speaking of being stoned all the time, Radar Online article about how you can travel with weed an not get caught. Not that we would find this information interesting or useful, like say if we were driving through Utah and didn’t want to wind up in Severe County (real name of the county) jail. Argh.

One more drug related. A pitcher claims to have pitched a no-hitter after he’d had a hit of his own … a hit of ACID!! This has to rank among the greatest sports achievements of all time.

An article I did read, from Wired, about ways in which humans are still better that computers. Like, evidently, if I were to ask a computer to choose between a picture of Emma Watson and a picture of Liza Minelli (a current picture), and asked it to pick out the biggest Flyza Minelli, the computer wouldn’t be able to pick right every time! Ha! Idiots!

Speaking of Emma Watson, youtube clip of her on Letterman. I recommend you put it on mute when Letterman is talking to ensure that … well, Letterman isn’t funny.

Like I could go a week without a scienceblogs link. Interview with Winnie from the Wonder Years, who evidently some time after the Wonder Years became hot, and got good at math, and now she wrote a book about it. What with this and Wayne being Stocc Baio’s sidekick on the new Scott Baio show, the Wonder Years is really coming back!

Article for Pliska, about some atomic bomb tests. Pliska likes history, everyone! Oh yeah, congrats to Pliska and Maupow for getting the Bar Exam over with. I’ll get drunk and play some video games in your honor.

And finally, I’m kind of torn as to what I’m more excited for, Cal football or Chicago Bears football. Probably the Bears, because even if we lose a lot of games, we’ll still be exciting to watch with Hester and Garrett Wolfe, and our defense in full effect. But here’s an article about DeSean Jackson, who is awesome.

-PETE