66% of THE JO-TEL is “losing it Scalia style”

It’s Father’s Day, but I don’t really have any Father’s Day–related links. Just your normal run-of-the-mill Sunday Reading. Kind of a lean week, actually. Maybe I wasn’t paying much attention to the links people were sending out as they weren’t links to pictures of me on Gawker. Well … one was. But I mean, who’s counting right? [turns toward mirror, flexes, winks]

Anyhow, here are some other links not involving me … I mean if that’s your thing. Whatever.

From the NYT, a review of the entire AMG line of Mercedes. I don’t really lust after luxury cars but I’m slightly obsessed with the CLS at the moment (the car pictured at the top of the article). My dream car since high school (or whenever it was that I finally grew out of the Ferrari Testarosa/Lambourghini Countach period, pretty much standard for children of the late 70s/early 80s, and the subject of many heated playground debates. I was a Testarosa man, myself) has been the BMW M5 Sport Wagon, which is pretty practical as dream cars go. But if I’ve learned anything from rap music, it’s that having just one luxury car is like having just one icy chain: for scrubs only. So the CLS63 it is.

Also, an article on tattoo removal. What? You got a tattoo of your fiancé’s name in a highly visible place and your relationship didn’t work out? I can’t decide whether I’m more shocked or stupefied! You’d think the holder of Case No. 24 on Deal or No Deal would have more sense than that, though.

From Wired, a story about a new helmet that simulates the world of a schizophrenic. Right now they’re using it for totally uncool “professional applications” instead of what it should be used for: partying.

The system offers two interactive scenarios. In one, you’re riding a bus in which other riders appear and disappear, birds of prey claw at the windows, and voices hiss, ‘He’s taking you back to the FBI!’ The other features a trip to the drugstore, where the pharmacist seems to be handing you poison instead of pills, and hostile customers stare at you in disgust.

Whoa. Trippy.

From Premiere, 20 movies that you’ll probably never see due to them being perpetually “in development.” I remember hearing about the Confederacy of Dunces movie and getting really excited about the cast: Will Ferrell in a fat suit, Mos Def as Jones, Lily Tomlin as Irene Reilly, and Ellen Barkin as Lana Lee. But then I remembered the Breakfast of Champions movie with Bruce Willis and so now I’m sort of glad this movie hasn’t been made.

Interactive tour of the iPhone. Fuck you, Apple. Fuck you is all I have to say about that.

Seed Magazine article about Planet Earth, aka the best show ever (I know I’ve said this about a lot of shows, but this time I’m saying it in the sense that this show is actually GOOD and worthwhile, not like it’s the best show ever in the sense that it features ridiculous human train wrecks. Put another way, Planet Earth makes Beauty and the Geek look like M*A*S*H [FN 1]). Now that the whole series is on DVD, you really have no excuse not to watch it. Even though I have 10 of the 11 episodes on TiVo in HD, I finally relented and bought the DVDs due to DiscoveryHD’s extremely annoying decision to rerun every single episode multiple times except for “Oceans Deep,” which is obviously one of the best episodes because everybody knows that all the animals that live in the deep ocean are totally CRAZY! For the past two months, I’ve had the series on a “record all” timer on the TiVo and every few days I’d go into my recorded programs, check the six or so episodes that were recorded, and never, ever an “Oceans Deep” rerun. It was like that contest from back in the day (3rd grade?) where there would be one of the letters in MICKEY on the inside of the M&Ms Fun Size wrappers and if you collected all six, you won a trip to Disney World. But of course, everyone in school had MICKE and nobody caught on to the fact that there were only like, ten Ys total because it was so easy and fun to collect M through E. So I bought the DVDs and watched Oceans Deep and, much like a trip to Disney World, it was pretty anti-climactic. More accurately, I would say “Oceans Deep” is the Epcot Center of Planet Earth, whereas “Deserts” is the Typhoon Lagoon, the sleeper that comes out of nowhere and just blows your mind right open. However, I’m still satisfied with my purchase of the DVD set because the episodes are the original BBC ones narrated by Richard Attenborough, which are about 100000000 times more awesome than the Sigourney Weaver–narrated episode on the TiVo.

[FN 1] aka worst show ever

And finally, in a link that is personally satisfying to me, considering how I’ve had to listen to Hilary talk incessantly about how good Pinkberry frozen yogurt is, it turns out that Pinkberry isn’t even yogurt, so much as it is some powdered dairy substance engineered specifically to take advantage of gullible, “health-conscious” Angelenos. For those not in the know, Pinkberry is a “frozen yogurt” place a few blocks from my house that routinely causes people to lose their shit because it’s so delicious. What’s so special about it, you might ask. Well … the thing is, there’s only one flavor, but that flavor tastes like actual frozen PLAIN yogurt. It’s TART! And there are like, lots of toppings! Like fresh fruit! OMG! So healthy! Did I mention it’s $7.00 for a cup and they don’t even have free sample spoons? Because that’s also the case. Pinkberrys are now popping up everywhere. I don’t think it’s possible for me to hate this place more. (NB: Predictably, it tastes like shit).

-PETE