Hey, whoever broken the window and entered my car and trunk while it was parked in the Tenderloin, thanks for taking care of the mess in my car by stealing some of my stuff. Those two full cases of CDs, running shoes, softball mit, brief case, office key, bottle of beer, and reimbursement check for $974.19 were really cluttering up my car and truck. Also, I’m much better off now that I no longer have my copy of The Gay Science by Nietzsche, I’m sure you’ll get much more use out of that than me; plus, we all know that that book was a ribbing waiting to happen.
This reminds me of a post on the old Jo-tel that I wrote after my car was broken into the first time. Cue dream sequence …
Dear Person Who Broke Into My Car on Sunday and Stole My CDs, I Hope You Enjoy the Lightning Bolt and Disc 2 of John Neville’s Reading of Swann’s Way by Marcel Proust (But Be Careful, the Latter Is Abridged!)
I hope you enjoy what I felt was a wonderful collection of music and other artistic media. In case you’re having trouble figuring it out, the rainbow-colored CD that you’ll notice in my CD case is an album called Hypermagic Mountain by the experimental metal outfit Lightning Bolt. You’ve also conveniently acquired the jewel case for that CD, which features stunning album art. Enjoy! Please also find a factory CD of Tom Waits’s seminal album Rain Dogs. Listening to this poetic yet tuneful album always brings to mind visions of a melancholy city drunk, scraping by on the glimmering hopes of crumpled one dollar bills, rainy St. Patrick’s Day parades, and the sparkling of the sun through the morning dew. Take advantage of the liner notes inside the jewel case. They contain the album’s stellar lyrics. Finally, I hope you’ll take some time to enjoy the treasures contained in the second disc of John Neville’s reading of Marcel Proust’s remarkable Swann’s Way, the first volume in his epic A la recherché du temps perdu (In Search of Lost Time). However, be warned, the oration is based on a abridged text that omits, among other things, Marcel’s discursive reflection on the hawthorns of Combray along the Mesengleise Way (French stress marks omitted). For these sumptuous moments you will need to consult Proust’s original text, which unfortunately I neglected to include in my car (I recommend the C.K. Scott Moncrief translation, ably revised by Terrance Kilmartin and D.J. Enright!). These are just a sampling of the CDs that you were fortunate enough have received from me. All in all, it is my fervent wish that each of these pieces of art brightens your day and inspires you to reach great new heights of introspection and creativity!
Very Truly Yours,
Shark[originally posted 3/24/06]
-Shark
8 responses so far ↓
Stickler // Apr 26, 2007 at 6:15 pm
Have you ever thought about creating a giant mouse trap in your car…just to see if you can catch one of these people?
Hip E. // Apr 26, 2007 at 6:18 pm
You should make a giant mousetrap OUT OF your car. Somebody call Monster Garage!
PETE // Apr 26, 2007 at 7:38 pm
I think this bum is a pretty cultured dude by now. Maybe after reading Neitszche, he’ll get his life back on track … or he might just hate jews.
Load // Apr 26, 2007 at 9:58 pm
Crime of opportunity? (No Shark, its not a new band).
I’ve found that instead of leaving hundreds of dollars worth of CD’s out in the open I just tape $100 bills to the inside of the passenger windows. Scares away the dregs, bums, nerdowells, crack heads, scallywags, bums, gutter punks, tweakers, and all other sorts of generally maligned scumbags.
Shark // Apr 27, 2007 at 4:11 am
A comment misconception about Nietzsche was that he was anti-semitic. In a couple of his books, however, he devoted chapters to how much he disliked anti-semites. After he went nuts, though, his Jew-hating sister deceptively re-edited some of his unpublished content and created “The Will to Power”, which incorrectly cast Nietzsche as a hater of non-German cultures (e.g. the Jews).
Hip E. // Apr 27, 2007 at 4:28 pm
I believe it’s “ne’er-do-wells”
Shark // Apr 27, 2007 at 6:29 pm
Hip E. is right. Nerdowells are the type of people you find at Johnny D’s company parties.
Load // Apr 30, 2007 at 7:14 pm
Hip - I stand corrected.
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