This little post will ideally stir some controversy among the Jo-Tel staff and our loyal readers: Having eaten soup nearly every day at work for nearly the past two years I have honed the technique of proper soup ingestion. Efficient soup ingestion technique requires some patience, and probably a few tries to properly hone. Once the technique has been mastered, you will be rewarded with pleasurable and efficient soup ingestion for the duration of your life. Proper soup intake requires five things:
1. Soup
2.A soup receptacle
3. A spoon
4. A slice of bread (ideally French or sour dough)
5. Tabasco Sauce (optional)
Now let me explain the technique and my reasoning behind each step. Its really quite simple actually.
1. The soup I get every day comes in a somewhat-narrow circular paper container with a lid on top. Upon paying for my soup I go to the condiments station and load it with Tabasco sauce. Tabasco sauce adds a slightly vinegary flavor and delightful burn on the tip of your tongue. Traditionally, at most dining tables, there are three standard condiments: sugar, salt (or soy sauce) and pepper. I regard vinegar as the fourth standard condiment and is usually enjoyable in any dish which is salty and slightly sweet. I use Tabasco liberally, your tastes may vary.
2. Take your slice of bread and pull out the soft interior portion. Set this portion aside as it becomes important later.
3. Take your spoon and begin ingesting the soup. Remember to stop and smell the soup's aroma as you go. Soup being a very steamy food releases a lot of volatile compounds into the air.aroma compounds. These volatiles interact with your olfactory receptors.
4. Intermittently, while spooning the soup into your mouth, take the crust of your bread and dip it into the soup. Leave it dipped into the soup until it becomes slightly soft. Once it has achieved desired softness, eat it. The bread crust is much drier than the interior and it nice to let the moisture of the soup soften the crust a little. This is especially true with sourdough where the sour flavor of the bread interacts nicely with the salty sweetness of most thick soups. If the soup is thick, you can also use the crust to swipe the sides of the soup container as you go. This keeps the container nice and clean and minimizes the amount of soup on narrow containers which is useful in step five.
5. Once you have made it to the bottom of the bowl, receptacle or whatever, you might notice that the geometry of the spoon does not conform with the geometry of the bowl. This is why we saved the soft interior portion of the bread. This portion now can act as a sponge allowing you to dab up the remaining bit of liquid in your bowl and make the most efficient use of your bread and soup combination. If your bowl is tall and narrow then you may notice that your hand gets a little messy while performing this step. This is why we scraped the sides of the bowl with our crusts in step 4. That concludes this little lesson. Though these steps do not seem challenging, given a strong hunger, your desire to finish the soup may lead you to disregard the bread until the end. Note: These rules do not apply for all soups. Some brothy soups, especially miso are exempt from these rules.
-Johnny D
27 responses so far ↓
Turd Ferguson // Jun 27, 2007 at 8:54 pm
Wow. This is almost as good as headlights.
Thrill // Jun 27, 2007 at 9:04 pm
And about a hundred times better than “I’ve Never” [http://rehabstar.blogspot.com/2007/06/ive-never.html]
Magda // Jun 27, 2007 at 10:44 pm
Fun fact I learned while forced to watch a table manners/etiquette video in my mandatory home ec class in Utah: one should place the side of of one’s soup spoon to your lips, then gently slurp the soup into your mouth. Don’t know the etiquette for chili, meaty stews, or other hearty fare. But feel free to slurp, because that’s the way the richies do it at Le Cirque.
Hip E. // Jun 27, 2007 at 11:16 pm
Causation or Mere Correlation:
Johnny D. writes “hone” 7 times in two paragraphs.
Magda comments.
JD, I think you may be onto something here.
Hip E. // Jun 27, 2007 at 11:20 pm
On that topic, I heard somewhere that when you’re getting the soup into the spoon, you should scoop (ladle?) forwards, away from yourself. This had something to do with which side the drips come off, and trying to make sure they come off on the far side of the spoon, where they are less likely to get on you. Or I could have just made that up just now.
Johnny D. // Jun 27, 2007 at 11:49 pm
I only count two instances of hone in the first paragraph.
Johnny D. // Jun 28, 2007 at 12:02 am
Pino is an excellent companion for many soups, Hipe. I think I just posted something within Magda’s element. I’m eating figs right now, they’re delicious.
PETE // Jun 28, 2007 at 12:26 am
Hip E., that is correct. You are also supposed to tip the bowl away from you when trying to get at the last of the soup, so as to avoid spilling onto your lap. My table manners are impeccable.
Linda // Jun 28, 2007 at 3:33 am
Hone rhymes with bone. And Magda came a’runnin.
I for one am grossed out by the bread ball used to sponge up the dregs of the narrow cardboard soup bowl.
PETE // Jun 28, 2007 at 4:39 am
Shhh! Linda. Now she’ll be up all night!
I quite enjoyed this post, JD. Welcome to the Jo-tel.
Linda // Jun 28, 2007 at 4:49 am
She can sleep. I said she came.
Linda // Jun 28, 2007 at 4:50 am
Can I delete that comment? Take-backs!
Patsy // Jun 28, 2007 at 5:19 am
Worst post ever.
Johnny D. // Jun 28, 2007 at 9:17 am
Just a different point of view for the Jo-Tel. Sadly there is no dimsum around work. I love soup.
Magda // Jun 28, 2007 at 9:54 am
Coincidence that my comment sparked a flurry of activity that few posts have matched? I think not. Boys, I think we can work something out wherein I am compensated for leaving comment bombs on your posts and provoking international intrigue.
Linda, you ain’t wrong.
And I agree with all the spooning forward, bowl tipping additions to my etiquette lesson.
Simon // Jun 28, 2007 at 10:43 am
The picture of the soup bowl w/ bread is fantastic. It rivals something McD’s puts out where the BigMac stands 10 feet tall with buoyant buns and crispy shredded lettuce dripping with dewy water.
Your own J.D.?
Linda // Jun 28, 2007 at 11:18 am
I like the post with or without comments.
Authorship eluded me on first read. I was like “Description of methodical approaches to daily life that only the author finds interesting? Hip E! But picture of classy non-pizza item and Tabasco use. Thrill?”
I can’t tell if I’m entertained with Johnny D or at him, but whatever: entertainment achieved.
admin // Jun 28, 2007 at 11:54 am
Do balls gross you out, Linda?
bmk12000 // Jun 28, 2007 at 11:54 am
how do these rules apply if eating out of a bread bowl?
Hip E. // Jun 28, 2007 at 1:27 pm
I can’t believe Patsy commented. Johnny D., could you write something about how Drew Barrymore is ugly and has a bad personality?
Magda, you are welcome to comment any time. Sounds like you are getting plenty of compensation though.
But what sayeth Goldy????
Simon // Jun 28, 2007 at 2:39 pm
Lets be nice to J.D.
It’s punishment enough he has
eaten soup nearly every day
for lunch the past 2 years.
Get some dimsum!!
PETE // Jun 28, 2007 at 2:51 pm
14 comment? You’re an animal Johnny D! And I gotta figure out a way to fix the time signatures on these comments.
Thrill // Jun 28, 2007 at 9:36 pm
Linda, thanks for thinking of me as somehow classy. And also for recognizing that a true Southerner loves him some Tabasco. You just bought yourself a case of Tabasco… a CLASSY case of Tabasco. Does Hip have your new address where it should be sent?
Linda // Jun 29, 2007 at 10:00 am
He should have it. What are your feelings on the green Tabasco?
Thrill // Jun 29, 2007 at 10:19 am
Jalapeno Tabasco is good, too. To be honest, I’ve been unable to tear myself away from the Chipotle… it’s amazing.
Am I to understand that you want a case of the green?
Linda // Jun 29, 2007 at 3:01 pm
No you are not to understand that. Chipoltle sounds good though. Thankx ur the best xoxo!
JBK // Sep 11, 2007 at 9:29 pm
Your attention to detail in this post leads me to believe you would love Tampopo (the movie):
http://imdb.com/title/tt0092048/
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