66% of THE JO-TEL is “losing it Scalia style”

So ladies and gentlemen, the day is almost upon us when all Americans join together to cook, drink, and play with explosives. No, Silly, not the Fourth of July … Valentine’s Day! Now excuse me while I email that joke to Jay Leno with the subject line “Kevin Eubanks is going to lose his shit!”

I can see it now …

Anyhow, so Valentines Day is coming up, which I’m sure everyone is thrilled about. I mean, who doesn’t like dipping back into the pocketbook less than two months after Christmas, or sitting through a meal’s worth of dirty looks from your girl, since your 9 p.m. reservation at not even one of her first like, seventeen choices for dinner obviously means you don’t care enough about her to start calling places in mid-January like he friend’s boyfriend did, which is why THEY’RE at Boulevard — or at least were, since their reservation was at 7, when normal people eat. Either that, or no one loves you, and you feel bad since you’re going to be alone on Valentine’s Day, most likely because you’re ugly … and would it really kill you to hop on a treadmill once in a while? Christ, you sicken me.

Whichever boat you’re in: a partner in a dysfunctional relationship with a person your friends hate; or a fat loser — the Jo-Tel feels your pain, and is sensitive to your needs. Like, you know, if you ever need someone to talk to, maybe watch a funny video, or something … I don’t know.

Oh! Wait. How about a fun-ass party with lots of beer and hot jamz and gratuitous nudity? Would you like that? Here, here’s a tissue. We didn’t mean what we said earlier about you and the treadmill. Sometimes we say thing in the heat of the moment that—

Okay, you’re right. But that’s why I think a fun-ass party with lots of beer and hot jamz and gratuitous nudity is just what the Doctor ordered, here. Right? Okay.

What: Jo-Tel Post-Valentines uh … Party
When: Saturday, Feb. 16. 9 p.m. - ???
Where: You know where
Who: Shark and P-Did, Trill, PETE, John, … , … , -ny D (sorry Shannon, I tried), Hip to tha E. (author of seminal Best of Craigslist entrée “Hey, Crackhead”), Raph if he’s not working, and of course, all of our wonderful friends!

-PETE