Get yourself another fool.
-Sam Cooke
I need to get myself a Fool like in medieval times. I realized how awesome it would be to have a Fool when I found out that my only key to my car parked in the Oakland Airport economy lot had not arrived in San Francisco when I returned home from Fiji, from whence I sent it. See, if I had a Fool following me around, with a pointy hat with bells, he could have mocked me in jocular fashion, you know: jumping on furniture, spewing puns, and making faces. That would have made it easier to face the reality of the situation. Also, when I get drunk my Fool would stay sober but still be loopy with non-sequitor wit. And it would cast an interesting hue on my drunkenness, which normally just results in me being belligerent. Oh oh, speaking of that. Whenever I get drunk and belligerent I could box my Fool about the ears! And when I’m drunk and exuberant and happy, my Fool would pragmatically bring me down by speaking in portentous prophesies! In other words, I need a Fool. You know: pointy, bell-laden boots, striped shirt, twisted staff. Yes, I need to get myself a Fool.
-Shark
7 responses so far ↓
Turd Ferguson // Jun 19, 2008 at 9:03 am
Plus, the Fool has such a tight bunghole.
Anonymous Johnny D // Jun 19, 2008 at 10:29 am
I will be your fool for Halloween
Load // Jun 19, 2008 at 11:48 am
We have a guy/idiot in our warehouse who wears a jester hat to work all the time. It makes gay buckle shoes look straight.
Real Johnny D // Jun 19, 2008 at 12:19 pm
Hey, Anonymous Johnny D, I bet you’re ugly and smell bad.
Kristin // Jun 19, 2008 at 12:52 pm
let the car thing go maaaaark, put it down, it’s over, done. ..like a bad book, you will never have to crack it’s spine again.
Real Johnny D // Jun 19, 2008 at 1:42 pm
Yea, worse things have happened, from the Johnny D blog of several years ago:
So last year my car was stolen out of a locked garage in Berkeley. Yes, a copy of the keys were in the coin box, Yes, the Club was resting snuggly under the driver’s seat, and yes the rear window mechanism was so badly damaged that it was feasible to pull the window down from the outside (combined with the accessible key, I used this entrance to avoid calling AAA). But come on! The garage was locked!
My friends and I had left for a weekend trip to see our friend off to Sweden. I decided to park in my friend’s parking space in his garage as we drove to our destination in his car. Upon our arrival home my friend turns to me and asks, “Johnny D, where’s your car?” “I don’t know!” I responded. Well, that was really that. The police were notified and I rode back to San Francisco on Bart. That is the second theft I have experienced from a locked garage in Berkeley. The first being my guitar, stereo, and a whole bunch of CD’s I had left in it during a night’s lay over in my old apartment on my way to visit family. I guess I never really learn.
My car, a 1986 Honda Accord, was not exactly missed. I was in the process of purchasing a new car anyway, and had no clue what to do with the old jalopy. I was under the impression (hoping, really) that my car was broken down for parts and would never be recovered. That was my hope at least. The reality is that it was found gasless on University avenue a few days later. The insurance company threatened to raise my insurance if they paid the towing fee.
The question that arises from this situation in particular is, why would someone go through the trouble of stealing my old, beat up problem and not have the decency to keep it stolen?
The brings me to the point of this post. Thieves are really strange. With all this “pimp my ride” shit becoming so popular these days, its somewhat understandable that kids would steal late model Hondas and Toyatas for the bling that often adorns them. A friend of mine, though, passed on a truly odd piece of information: In Richmond the most likely place to find a stolen vehicle is the BART station. Vehicles are apparently often recovered, unlike mine, unscathed and with most of the original gas in the tank.
Apparently, police theorize that these cars are not used for joyriding, nor are they used for crime sprees, rather, they are used for commuting. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find and article that backs up this claim, but its a pretty funny idea nonetheless.
Load // Jun 23, 2008 at 1:26 pm
Johnny D - Cars get stolen in downtown Portland all the time only to be recovered a day or two later blocks from where they were taken from. Probably crack heads making crack runs across the river and back.
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