I like when dudes leave the sports section in the stall. It is a gem of selflessness, one of the last bastians of Platonic brotherhood. I mean, not bringing the sports page back to the lobby desk is not going to do you any good. But you leave it anyway because you know that for the rest of the day dudes are going to be stoked about getting to check where the A’s are in the AL West while they take a shit.
The inverse corrallery is when someone leaves any section other than the sports section, like the front page for instance. There’s nothing worse then seeing the newspaper, getting all excited, and then realizing that you’ll have to read about some boring, non-sports-related topic. Not that I don’t like keeping up on the boring news. It’s just that the bathroom is for reading about sports. That’s all there is to it. There’s something antithetical about browsing through an article about supply and demand markets in Rhodescia while sitting on a toilet in a room that smells like poop and farts.
-Shark
9 responses so far ↓
Turd Ferguson // Jul 8, 2008 at 3:32 pm
I hate it though when someone leaves it but folded it all up so all the pages are out of alignment and you have to sit in a room that smells like poop and farts and rearrange the section.
baldwin residence! // Jul 8, 2008 at 3:59 pm
totally agree on this. not to mention, it’s utterly offensive when someone DOES bring the paper back out. what…do they think i want to touch the paper that now smells like poop and farts? no sir. leave that sh*t in there.
Trey // Jul 8, 2008 at 4:05 pm
Sports suck. It’s all about the Lifestyle and Metro sections!!!
Hip E. // Jul 8, 2008 at 5:08 pm
Baldwin, you can say shit on the jo-tel. I disagree though with Shark’s red-meat, populist take on bathroom reading. Yes, we all hate terrorism and non-apple pies, but when I “take a dump in the loo” (as the Irish say) I generally read whatever book I happen to be working on at the moment. So today I read a little Steppenwolf. If I don’t have a book with me, I am stoked to find any section of the paper with actual stories as opposed to just classifieds or JCPenney ads. Sports is great, but other readable sections in descending order are: Datebook including the Comics & Crossword, Front Page, Business (sometimes has some Science &/or Technology), followed by (at this level rearranging shit in my wallet starts to look pretty entertaining) Metro (nobody cares), Real Estate, and finally Wine. I’m only excited about the Wine section if I realize too late that they are out of toilet paper.
Front page // Jul 8, 2008 at 9:48 pm
Sports are boring.
Deepa // Jul 8, 2008 at 10:10 pm
Great. You’re reading my copy of Steppenwolf in the bathroom.
Hip E. // Jul 9, 2008 at 8:43 am
Not anymore - I got my new copy of Steppenwolf from Amazon yesterday. Yours is on my coffee table, covered in poop.
Frequent Pooper // Jul 10, 2008 at 1:28 pm
I like printing out posts from the Jo-tel and reading them on the shitter. These posts then double as terrific toilet paper to wipe my ass with.
Hip E. // Jul 14, 2008 at 5:40 pm
If that is true, I think your printer might be broken.
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