THE JO-TEL … illegal blog downfield

Well, I’ll tell you, Shakespeare Month, while at times harrowing, has been largely a success. After the momentum of the first week subsided, the Month careened dangerously out of control during the second week when the mere utterance of “Lawrence Olivier” in conjunction with “Richard III” frightened away all viewers except for myself, in my bed, alone with my laptop, my face aglow with Olivier’s TOTALLY FUCKING AWESOME portrayal of the “rudely stamped,” at times likable, tyrant, soft little cowboy pillow under my arm. However, it took me three days to watch, which presaged My Darkest Hour at the hands of Josh Harnett and his “turn” as the scheming villain Iago. You see, in the pits of desperation, facing the flaming wreckage of my beloved Month of dramatic edification, I decided to mask the disintegration of the schedule with LIES. I claimed, in a mass email to the participants, that I had watched O, starring Josh Harnett, and even went so far as to say that it was “unjustly overlooked.” However, I had not watched O, starring Josh Harnett, at that point. Only upon Patsy’s return from LA did I watch Iago, played by Josh Harnett, re”imagined” as a jealous basketball player. It, starring Josh Harnett, was terrible. I almost didn’t recover, starring Josh Harnett, except that I cajoled Patsy with massages etc. to watch A So-Called Midsummer Night’s Dream with me. We fell asleep 20 minutes in because it sucked hardcore, featuring a pointless change in setting from mythical Greece to provincial Italy, typical Hollywood airbrushed visuals, and a languid, turgid, and utterly jejune Thesus played by David Strathaern (I refuse to check if your name is spelled correctly, Strathiarn, even though you didplay Piece Patchett in L.A. Confidential). But that didn’t prevent me, desperate to revive the spirit even if it meant watching the rest of the shitty movie, from convincing Shanny D, my loyal and beloved fellow Shakespeareans, to watch it with me the next day. It was shitty. Puck was shitty. It sucked, don’t watch it. Not as bad as O, starring Josh Harnett, though.

And for the lowdown on week three, you’ll HAVE TO WAIT UNTIL I GET AROUND TO IT.

-Shark