THE JO-TEL … illegal blog downfield

a temporally disjointed account.
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5:37pm (Saturday): I am at Hayes Green, wielding my portable iPod dock around like some talisman, magically channeling music in people’s direction, drunk from whiskey and beer.

3:02pm (Saturday): I mount a plastic chair in my new apartment’s common area to tell a brief story about a wasted Asian dude that wandered into our apartment and fell asleep in The Deepa’s bed.

10:25pm (Saturday): Some dude with a pooka shell necklace is trimming my pubes after losing to my team in flip cup at Adam’s and Emily’s apartment.

12:18am (Saturday): A drunk Asian man of unknown origin enters our apartment and climbs into The Deepa’s bed, forcing her sister, who was sleeping in the bed, to sleep on the couch, assuming that the dude was a friend of The Deepa’s.

11:56am (Saturday): I take a swig from a bottle of Jack Daniels as the housewarming BBQ is about to begin, telling Stove, “that’s how I drink”.

11:25pm (Saturday): Hip E. and Johnny D run around Adam’s and Emily’s apartment naked.

7:40pm (Saturday): I play foosball at Place Pigalle, starting strong and then getting worked right after I start talking shit to Hip E. I am drinking lots of beer.

7:50pm (Saturday): I lose an arm-wresting match with Thrill at Place Pigalle.

2:15pm (Sunday): I have to stop watching Ran to vomit into the toilet of my apartment.

6:59pm (Monday): I discover that the talismanic power of my iPod dock and iPod do not include not being stolen when left in a bar like Place Pigalle.

9:32pm (Wednesday): I sit down to write the evite to our housewarming party at the Gough-tel. Nothing is coming to me so I reach for my trusty copy of Thus Spoke Zarathustra.

12:56am (Sunday): The kitchen floor of the Fell-tel is partially covered with broken eggs. Stove and Ed hand me a broom and tell me it’s my turn. They throw an egg in the air. I watch it as it falls and cracks on the ground. I get it now. Stove throws another egg in the air, off course, though, and toward the stove. I lunge and swing at the egg, breaking it in mid-air and crashing the broom handle into the stove’s fume hood.

5:23pm (Saturday): I am in Hayes Green, the last king in the game of Circle of Death is pulled by Thrill. Ohhhhhhh!

3:10pm (Saturday): I return to the kitchen to fetch the second bottle of whiskey, as the first is empty.

11:23pm (Saturday): Some random dude and I destroy Hip E. and Johnny D in a two-on-two flip cup death match, requiring them to streak.

11:24am (Sunday): I wake up on the coach of the Fell-tel. I stumble around looking for Hip E., who appears to have departed. Once in the bathroom, I realize I am wearing a neon-yellow women’s tank top. I walk into Nick’s room, wake him up, and ask him for pain killers. He directs me toward the aspirin. I say I need the hard stuff. I already have a terrible headache. I look around for my own shirt and my brand new hoodie. I cannot find either. After some muddled consideration, I leave and start to walk home.

9:58 (Saturday): I take my clothes off.

8:19pm (Saturday): I lose an arm-wrestling match with Johnny D at Place Pigalle.

11:41am (Sunday): Trey calls my name on the street as I am walking home, he comments on my women’s tank-top. I ask him for painkillers, specifically vicodin, muscle relaxants, or tylenol with codeine. He has none.

9:01pm (Saturday): I leave Place Pigalle without my iPod dock and iPod.

6:55pm (Sunday): The Deepa informs me that she was at Adam’s party. I tell her I do not recall this.

11:45am (Saturday): Patsy and The Deepa arrive back from shopping for food for the BBQ. I realize moments later that there is a hole in The Field’s remix of “Cymbal Rush” that I will have to painstakingly fix before sending out my mix to pandorockers as planned. I wonder if I’ll be able to get away with staying on the computer long enough to fix the flaw before the party begins.

2:14pm (Sunday): The feudal Japanese drums syncopate with the painful pounding of my head.

12:33 (Saturday): I excitedly send out my mixtape, entitled Chimes @ Midnight, and take a swig of whiskey.

-Shark