THE JO-TEL … illegal blog downfield

If I have a “Hey Crackhead” this is probably it. …..I said if.
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Okay, fellow denizens of the depths, keep this in mind: this is the worst possible cave scenario. But it is a scenario nonetheless. As such, it must be addressed candidly and with a particular mind towards our respective spelunking limitations - and, indeed, with a eye towards our general human limitations as well. I know that we’d all like to live in the ideal world and share with each other incandescent images of stumbling wildly upon the actual light of day, but, as we’ve theorized, there is a chance - and a distinct one at that - that this will never occur. With that in mind, let’s flush out the aforementioned scenario.

If it happens that the labyrinthine narrows of this cave are ends in themselves, if the outside - that noumenal thing - is, in itself, unattainable, we must give up hope of ever reaching it. Unlike the previous cave scenario, the worst cave scenario will require the evisceration of all hope. Unrealistic longing may too frequently lead the holder to react irrationally to the absurdity inherent in a cave-bound existence. Irrationality must be met with rationality if it is to be faced. In other words, hope springs infernal - as infernal as a knife on a sunny day. In the alternative, we may draw on the walls. But never should these hieroglyphics ever attempt to represent the theoretical beyond. To do so would conjure fanciful longing, which would - inevitably - give way to power-mongering and dangerous cults. We must strive to keep a merit-based society and merit shall be based on reason and reason alone. Visual arts and representation should unfold, instead, in a dialectic sense. Cavely gods of innovation shall be forged and deviated therefrom. Forge, deviate, repeat. Old gods will be discarded for all practical purposes, but assiduously preserved for educational and entertainment-oriented historiography.

Also, with respect to public safety, all those “pushing” games in which the pusher pushes in conjunction with a prostrate squatter posted behind the pushee must be halted. As you all know, this has lead to several unpleasant stalagmite impalements. I believe that is all for know. But after now having outlined our reactions to this all-too-realistic possibility, I ask you all to contemplate for yourself whether this is, indeed, the worst cave scenario, or if, as some have preached all along, the most fulfilling existence has been the blank palate of cold but boundlessly permitting silence that has lain before us all along. And ultimately, there is — Hey! Edgar! Get your head out of that mesocavern!

-Shark (originally posted 4/20/05)