It can be done, but only THE JO-TEL can do it.

A short email exchange between Jo-Tel friend Jake Kloberdanz and me. Jake is the president of some company that does something or other involving travel—sort of a face book meets expedia—that will most likely make him very rich if one of his other numerous ventures don’t work out. It will make him rich despite being called “Island Odyssey,” which sounds like a Danielle Steele* novel, or the HOTTEST Girls Gone Wild video EVER. Get Girls Gone Wild: Island Odyssey NOW for the special introductory price of $9.99!! Then, every month, a new … and so on. Anyhow, Jake has explained this to me many times and I still don’t really get it, but aside from the whole travel social network thing, the company also somehow uses their college reps as a grassroots base from which to launch campaigns for Republicans. And I guess they’re somehow involved in the Mitt Romney campaign.

I made my displeasure known last weekend, which resulted in a friendly $20 wager that Romney will in fact be our nation’s next president. I might lose this bet. But at least I got this email exchange out of it:

PETE:

Your candidate really said this?

“It’s not worth moving heaven and earth spending billions of dollars just trying to catch [Osama Bin Laden].”

Jake (Domeination Level: Blue):

Seriously Pete? Who cares. It’s just like a pussy liberal hippy to pick out specific buzz points, and quotes, rather then to look at the overall candidates, their character and what they stand for. At the end of the day what it all comes down to is a gut instinct for who will be the best MAN to lead this country. At the end of the day that MAN is Mitt Romney. At the end of the day you will make your own bed and sleep in it. If you put a pussy in office watch what will happen with China. You think the world is in bad hands with America, wait until its in the hands of China…. Oh next time I call you a pussy liberal hippy I will put in “with all due respect.” I love you pete.

PETE:

I don’t know man. Sounds like you support the terrorists to me.

Plus he’s a Mormon.

Fuck China.

Jake (Domeination Level: Orange):

Between a Mormon and a Moron, I’ll take the Mormon any day. How does it make him a supporter of terrorism to not focus on one terrorist but on terrorism at large. What a stupid quote to send. It has no context, and it makes sense that you would choose something this petty, because there is nothing else. At the end of the day results talk and bull shit walks. CHECK THE TRACK RECORD. How bout we go off of that rather then random talking points that were taken out of context.

PETE:

You just hate America dude.

Don’t bring your treasonous ramblings over here. Save that shit for when you get to high school.

Jake (Domeination Level: Deep Crimson):

Maybe I missed something. Treasonous was a big word though… so congratulations on that. Look Pete at the end of the day there are people who go out and make things happen, and there are other people who sit back and watch, write about it, and ridicule. You LOSE! Enjoy writing blogs about Romney when he rises to the top like he’s done so many times in the past. Rather than my $20 that I win when he wins, I would like 4 of the issues of TIME when he wins for Man of the Year.

Jake (in another email 30 seconds later):

…OH, and with all due respect: You are my bitch!

~FIN~

That was way too easy. How am I supposed to hone my domeination skills when my targets put up about as much resistence as ladies in the presence of Stefan Urquelle?

More crap below the jump.

-PETE

*In the Pantheon of “Best Ideas Ever (in Theory),” right alongside “Shittier Mousetrap” and “Par-Labor Day,” LA roommate Jefferson proposes a Steely Dan cover band called “Danielle Steele.” The genius of this suggestion cannot be refuted.

Appendix A: PETE’s Dome status update

People currently all up in PETE’s dome:

Shark
Snax
Adam and Eric Schlicting
Megan from the Bell Tower

People all up in whose dome PETE is:

Jake K.
Reid
Johnny D.
Fuller
Load
Spencer from The Hills
Arianna Huffington