THE JO-TEL … illegal blog downfield

Three cups of black coffee down and I am fuming. As previously reported I am off the sauce and getting by with the help of four daily cups of strong black coffee, cigarettes, and vigorous masturbation. But, dudes, it’s not just the coffee right now, I’m all amped up. As you may expect, I am limited here at the Creationist Museum in what I can read. There’s crap, crap, or, bloop-blop-beep, crap. All of it pretty much has something to do with how I, a triceratops, was created at the some time as humans by “God”. And often there’s some talk of some Jesus dude. But having idiots fasten a saddle on me so that more idiots can look at it is, um, really boring, so I do a lot of reading regardless. And while reviewing things is only slightly more useless than teaching morons simple falsehoods, here I go. Let’s start with:

Incredible Creatures that Defy Evolution, Volume 2
by Jobe Martin.

“How can some birds navigate over the ocean and not get lost? How can fireflies and glow worms create pure light that generates no heat? How can great whales dive to the bottom of the ocean without the pressure causing them to implode? Powerful evidence proves that animal designs can be attributed only to a creator and cannot be explained by evolution.”

Good questions, all. And fascinating. Let me provide the answers:

(a) For diurnal migrants, the sun is used to navigate by. Birds can compensate for the changing position of the sun during the day by the use of an internal clock. This is backed up in some species with the ability to sense the Earth’s geomagnetism through specialized photo-receptors.

(b) Light production in fireflies is due to a chemical reaction that occurs in specialized light-emitting organs, usually on the lower abdomen. The enzyme luciferase acts on luciferin in this organ to stimulate light emission. Bioluminescence is a very efficient process. Some 90% of the energy a firefly uses to create light is actually converted into visible light. By comparison, an incandescent electric bulb can convert only 10 percent of total energy used into visible light, and the remainder is emitted as heat.

[c] Sturdy rib cage structures — wait, no … actually, yeah, you’re right: God.

Dinosaur Skull Excavation Kit

“Use the included digging tools and brush to excavate pieces of a dinosaur skull. Then, assemble the 2″ skull and display it on the included base. Fun for paleontologists of all ages!”

CHILD OF IDIOT PARENTS PLAYING WITH DINOSAUR EXCAVATION KIT: “If I can do it with this kit, then God could have done it 4 REAL!!”
T-TOPS: I swear I’m going to eat you all.

Code of Life:
DNA, Information, Mutation
by “Dr.” Georgia Purdom

“Dr. Georgia Purdom dissects the evidence found in DNA for clues to its origin and finds that the processes touted by evolutionists are greatly embellished. The origin of such diversity and variability could only be the God of the Bible!”

I’m sold.

Tower of Babel - Pop-Up and Read
by John Taylor

“Why is Babel so important? This fun-format book is a great way to teach kids about the Genesis 11 event and its significance in their lives. A full-color book with entertaining pop-up design, Tower of Babel explains how the different languages and “races” came about. A great way to teach biblical history!”

Science wasn’t enough? You also needed to undermine the validity of historical learning too? Linguistic achievements? Like: different languages is the result of geographically separated cultures learning to communicate orally. No, that’s ridiculous right? The more obvious explanation for different languages is that back when everyone on earth spoke the same language they got together and tried to build a big tall tower to reach God (that left no remnants that we know of) and God got scared of their powerful contracting and, as punishment, destroyed the tower. Then this beneficent ruler decided to add insult to injury by making all of the people in this race speak different languages so that they could never communicate with each other again.

Moral: don’t think that you can ever be like the god that made you in his image. You suck.

History lesson: this is where languages actually come from.

What about that crazy language that the wild child of Aveyron developed because he lived alone in the forest for the first 15 years of his life? Did that language, invented in 1797, come from Babel too?

What’s next? Math? Is math too complex to have been created by humans? ….. oh:

Beyond Numbers
by Katherine A. Loop

“Nothing is indifferent or neutral when it comes to God and His creation. That includes math. This book will help you understand biblically where math came from and why it works so consistently. You will see that God is not only in math, but He created and sustains math. Instead of setting God aside when you approach math, this book will give you the opportunity to approach math expecting it to glorify the Lord. Written in a straightforward, non-technical manner, it is perfect for homeschool parents, teachers, and anyone else who wants to view or teach math biblically.”

So by this logic Neils Bohr is, like, an evangelist? And tell me: what’s so perfect about pi and e?

Finally, our good friend Ken Ham. Ken’s just hamming around here with accused one of the millennium’s greatest scientists of being racist because people after he died took his scientific ideas and applied them to society, which was unrelated to the man’s original science theories. In general, these might be the dumbest words ever written:

Darwin’s Plantation
by Ken Ham

“Most people do not realize how intimately connected the idea of evolution and the worst racist ideology in history are. This fascinating book by Ken Ham and Dr. Charles Ware (president of Crossroads Bible College) gives a compelling history of the effect of evolution on the history of the United States, including slavery and the civil rights movement. It goes beyond politically-correct teaching to show the global harvest of death and tragedy, which stems from Darwin’s controversial theories.”

Death and tragedy like art and modern justice and law? Seriously this is low, Ham, low. When do we get to break out the putty and fix up your face? Razor bump ass.

-T-Tops