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Entries Tagged as 'Turd'

Top 10 Les Miserables Songs

October 2nd, 2012 · No Comments

10. TIE: “Who Am I?” and “Little Drop of Rain”
9. “Do You Hear the People Sing”
8. “Javert’s Suicide”
7. “Bring Him home”
6. “On My Own”
5. “At the End of the Day”
4. “I Dreamed a Dream”
3. “One Day More”
2. “Confrontation”
1. “Red and Black”
Bottom 5:
“Little People”
“Dog Eats Dog”
“A Heart Full of Love”
“Beggars at the [...]

Tags: Top "Tens" · Turd

NETWORK MOMENT: Muggings, Then and Now, An Analysis Conducted During Work Hours

September 20th, 2012 · No Comments

Turd:
If Shark played baseball, stupid ESPN would call him N-Darg.
Thrill:
That would be true regardless of what sport he played, because sportscasters and players are uncreative nimrods.
Shark:
Whatever happened to the days of Sleepy Floyd and Refrigerator Perry? Also, you can’t let players come up with their own nicknames just because you lack the [...]

Tags: Hip E. · Johnny D · Network Moment · Thrill · Turd

Top Ten Civil War Quotes

February 9th, 2012 · 1 Comment

10. “If I had my choice I would kill every reporter in the world but I am sure we’d be getting reports from hell before breakfast.” –General Sherman
We like to think of our newspapers today as objective, fact reporting entities, except of course for the editorial pages and the god damned liberal media.  But in [...]

Tags: Shark · Turd

Quote of the Week 7.12.10

July 15th, 2010 · 2 Comments

Turd, teaching his daughter about the birds and the buttsex retard squirrels:
In the beginning, we were all fish. Okay? Swimming around in the water. And then one day a couple of fish had a retard baby, and the retard baby was different, so it got to live. So Retard Fish goes on to make more [...]

Tags: Quote of the Week · Turd

LIGHTNING BOLT

June 1st, 2009 · 1 Comment

I haven’t posted in a long time.  I’ve been uninspired, unfunny, and unreadable (cue “you’ve always been that way” jokes).  All I can offer you is this clip of dorks playing in the woods.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_ekugPKqFw

-Turd

Tags: Turd

Grinded Gears, Inspired by Shark

February 3rd, 2009 · 2 Comments

Do you know what really grinds my gears?  At work there is one of those water jug cooler things that a bunch of people chip in to pay for each month.  It is convenient to have cold, clean water close by especially when the tapwater tastes like a liquid fart.  Anyway, there are maybe 15 [...]

Tags: Turd

Dreams Are Weird

December 10th, 2008 · No Comments

So, basically me and a bunch of people were taken hostage by terrorists.  We were held in a camp that resembled Burlingame Fred Meyer.  I know it was a camp because we were always asked for our papers etc.  They said don’t try to escape because they would kill everyone. After awhile we figured out [...]

Tags: Turd

Scenes from the Ferguson’s

November 23rd, 2008 · 1 Comment

The Goose, lying in bed. Turd exits the bathroom.
The Goose: “Will you check to see if one of the dogs pooped in here? Man that reeks.”
Turd: “Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat, was me. 5 minutes ago.”
Being married is fun.

Tags: Turd

Why?

October 22nd, 2008 · 4 Comments

Why does Subway’s “Oven-Roasted Chicken Breast Sandwich” have grill marks?
In other news, despite being a fairly average sports fan, The Goose inexplicably listens to sports radio all the time now.  As in, even when I don’t make her.  That’s one for the (+) column.
-Turd

Tags: Turd

Busty

October 14th, 2008 · 1 Comment

I successfully lobbied my indoor soccer team to change their stupid name to the “Busty Nurses”***, the idea being when the other team saw us, they would see we were neither busty nor nurses, thus allowing free admission to their dome.  My enthusiasm has been abated though because now it looks like the league people [...]

Tags: Turd