THE JO-TEL is going to drink its way to Dover

#24
This plate exists at my new apartment:
[Dear Readers,
I have delayed this post for about one month because I keep postponing figuring out how to transfer the photo that I took of the plate that is the subject of this post, which is somehow contained on my new camera, to my computer. I just […]

Don’t worry, I still hate Ayn Rand.
_____________________
“Gamble Away (My Time)”
Time gambles away its celerity
On youth. When you turn, it is begun.
Not learning to bridge the gap. Not
Now. We all just pause and want for that
Smallest of waterfalls to launch
Our feet into the water.

“The (Rapist)”
Bird. Your ash from the beer you drank
Fell from the […]

Since I'm the resident expert here on non-shower-related human feces, I thought that I'd write a post to distill some of my knowledge.  For those of you who don't know, I used to work at civil engineering firm that specialized in septic design.  It was a great job.  I learned a lot about engineering and […]

This one is actually important.  Reading this might actually prevent you from getting a sunburn.  And let's just start with something that you all already know: waking up on Monday from a weekend of drinking with a gnarly sunburn on your shoulders and back is a really bad experience.  Not to mention when you also […]

CAUTION: This post will draw ire down upon me.
Everyone that I know wants to see Wall E. Now, if you think that Socrates set a standard that no one can satisfy to a metaphysical perfection when he prescribed “know thyself”, then you might have gleaned that I, a principled salt-mine, don’t claim […]

I like when dudes leave the sports section in the stall. It is a gem of selflessness, one of the last bastians of Platonic brotherhood. I mean, not bringing the sports page back to the lobby desk is not going to do you any good. But you leave it anyway because you know that […]

The rumors are true. I no longer reside at the Jo-tel. So, if you’re doing the math and scratching your head: yes, Hip E. and Johnny D are the only ones on this blog who actually live at the Jo-tel in San Francisco, which: ValleJO St. + Hotel = Jo-tel (pronounced “hotel” not […]

“Drink the Cool-Aid” has gotten too prevalent. It should be a rare color comment, not a marquee move. I blame it’s popularity on the fact that most people don’t know its original context or its current meaning, so that if someone throws its into a conversation people will usually say, “Right!”, especially when […]

A couple days ago I had an epiphany regarding VHS tapes. It occurred at the Concord Rasputin when I purchased the following five VHS tapes for $2 each:
- The 39 Steps (dir. Hitchcock; 1935)
- The Empire Strikes Back (non-”special” edition, 1981)
- The General (dir. Keaton; 1933)
- Arachnophobia (dir. Marshal; 1990)
[…]

[This quote is not funny. -Ed.]
Shark and Patsy walk towards the lobby of the Santa Anita Inn hoping to partake in the Continental Breakfast. Before they are arrive they encounter Thrill and Rosey walking in the opposite direction. It is the day after the wedding. Shark is real hungover.
SHARK: […]