THE JO-TEL … illegal blog downfield

[This quote is not funny. -Ed.]
Shark and Patsy walk towards the lobby of the Santa Anita Inn hoping to partake in the Continental Breakfast. Before they are arrive they encounter Thrill and Rosey walking in the opposite direction. It is the day after the wedding. Shark is real hungover.
SHARK: […]

This one is from Turd Furgeson. His mom was asks him and his wife, The Goose, the temperature at which they keep their thermostat. The Goose responds:
“We do 69, if Turd lets me.”

If anybody is still talking about the Hold Steady in 20 years I will kill anything that moves.
-PETE

if i’ve said it once, i’ve said it a million times: sprinkling in cheesy keyboard bridges with panicked female breathing and perhaps a saw and broken glass is fucking funny.
–BMK12000 on Nurse with Wound’s sound experiment album Homotopy to Marie

HIP E.:
rapping to himself while drinking a Red Bull upon returning to the car after a pit stop
First off, fuck your bitch and the clique you claim
West Side when we ride, come equipped with game
You claim to be a player but I fucked your wife
We bust on Bad Boys, niggas fucked for life
Plus, Puffy wanna […]

I have no reliable criterion for what a pang of conscience is: from what one hears about it, a pang of conscience seems to me unworthy of respect… I would not want to abandon an action after the event; I would prefer to leave the bad outcome, the consequence out of the question of value […]

King [Henry V]: I know thee not old man. Fall to thy prayers.
-2 Henry IV, V.v

GONERIL:
Go thrust him out at gates, and let him smell
His way to Dover.
–King Lear, Act III, scene iv

from Kim Cooper’s 33 1/3 book on IAAOTS:
Jeff[ Mangum]’s favorite place to sing was in the bathroom– fortunately, the house had two– and nearly everyone who visited has stories of hearing Jeff’s booming voice and amplified acoustic strum from behind the closed door. Fellow songwriters marveled that he rarely seemed to write lyrics down, […]

“Nobody is SHITTING inside MY WIFE!”
- Unknown guy in office discussion of intra-uterine meconium
(Quote courtesy of sweet, be-sandjarred Linda)