I think I hate bicyclists. Now, this truly pains me to write this post. There are several reasons.
1) Biking is good exercise.
2) Riding a bike is fun.
3) PETE just got hit by a car on his bike.
4) Biking is good for the environment because bikers aren’t driving.
But, sorry I cannot help it. I hate you bicyclist. You make every day I drive a fucking stress-filled nightmare. I am always worried about hitting you, or you hitting me. Last month I was going through an intersection and one of you almost hit me because you didn’t stop at a stop sign.
I don’t know about everywhere else, but bicyclists in Oregon have about the same level as smugness and love the smell of their own farts as much as the average San Fransican with a Prius. They seem to have a feeling that because they are on a bike, they are better than you. Well, bicyclist, I can’t ride a bike to work. I don’t want to ride a bike to work. Its far and I’m lazy. Even if I wanted to, I wouldn’t because I don’t want to show up at work as “Sweaty Back Guy”, nor with pants wet below the knees. So fuck you. Also, this smugness is frustrating because they bitch about cars and people not being careful (which is true), but they do not want to follow traffic laws, stop at stop signs, and routinely whip between cars.
You, bicyclist, are a rat bastard and I fart in your general direction. No offense intended of course.
-Turd
8 responses so far ↓
The Jo-tel // Jul 28, 2008 at 10:05 am
The views expressed on The Jo-tel are the views of the writer only and do not necessary reflect the views of this blog or its individual members.
Gabbeh // Jul 28, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Here, Hear, Turd. I’ve been saying the same thing for years.
And even if you hit a bicyclist (good thing) and it’s their fault (good thing), you still have a monumental hassle dealing with insurance companies and lawyers to resolve the situation (very bad thing).
I feel the same way about motorcyclists that “share” the lane with you when traffic is going 40 mph. Often times, I look in my rearview mirror and, upon seeing a motorcycle, scoot as far over into my lane as possible to prevent them from going by me. My hopes is that they will bail and fall underneath the tires of the car behind me….except for Hip E., because I like him and don’t want him hurt in an accident.
Anonymous // Jul 28, 2008 at 2:31 pm
I agree with both sides of the bike v. car argument. Whether driving or riding, I find being careful completely inconvenient and annoying.
Thrill // Jul 28, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Apologies to my friends who are bikers - and whom I’m going to assume DO follow all traffic laws - but I have to agree with Turd here. I’m not going to defend the NYPD officer (now ex-officer) who body-checked the Critical Masshole in Times Square, but I definitely hate the bikers who whiz in and out of traffic with a smugness and sense of entitlement beyond all defense and belief. I’m looking at you, Every Biker Who Ever Road Through The Intersection of Polk and Vallejo.
I’m not even gonna get into the myriad reasons for hating Critical Mass….
baldwin residence! // Jul 29, 2008 at 9:43 am
don’t forget the ahole who feels entitled to ride, not in a bike lane, but in the road. but not all the way in the road. just enough that you can’t pass him because of traffic in the oncoming lane. and of course, he’s not actually keeping up with traffic. dick.
baldwin residence! // Jul 31, 2008 at 11:50 am
The Portland Tribune, Jul 24, 2008
The recent media frenzy concerning bicyclist-motorist hostilities in Portland obscured a more interesting story.
In just two weeks, four incidents were reported that involved violence or damage between bikers and drivers. But in reality, half of those incidents were less about cars than they were about devoted cyclists trying to rein in misbehaving members of their community.
In one, where the cyclist started clubbing the motorist with his bike, the “motorist” actually was a bike mechanic and a huge bike advocate himself, who had urged the cyclist to ride responsibly.
Similarly, last week, when a cyclist named Adam Leckie allegedly attacked Patrick Schrepping after keying the car in which Schrepping had been a passenger, it was because Schrepping — a devoted cyclist who does not own a car — had told Leckie, a self-described “bike punk,” to wear a bike helmet.
In short, the angst that many motorists feel about irresponsible cycling in Portland is shared by many in the bicycle community as well.
PETE // Jul 31, 2008 at 3:12 pm
That’s legal Baldwin Residence. That’s what you’re supposed to do. Cyclist are afforded the use of a full lane. What we’re NOT supposed to do is ride on the sidewalk, and as a everyday bike commuter, seeing people ride on the sidewalk is what pisses me off, not only because it’s dangerous for pedestrians and bikers alike, but because lots of times bikers are pretty much forced into it, as the conditions of the roads are such that riding a road bike, with its thin tires and complete lack of shock-absorption, is well-nigh impossible. Blame the municipality for not having more bicycle-only lanes, for pretty much writing cyclists out of their city plan.
Also, I know there are cavalier cyclists out there, and Critical Mass is garbage, but it’s not like the average cyclist breaks any more traffic laws than the average motorist. When the last time you saw a car come to a complete stop at a stop sign, instead of rolling through or coming to a stop 5 feet past the line? Or stop at a red light before proceeding with a right turn? How about those turn signals? How about blocking intersections? Motorists don’t exactly have any moral high ground when it comes to obeying traffic laws, so that argument is lame.
Also, I am better than you, but not because I ride a bike.
Turd Ferguson // Jul 31, 2008 at 4:27 pm
No its not a lame argument. You’re not understanding. I’m talking about bikers completely flouting the laws. They aren’t doing rolling stops, they are flying through stop signs. They are weaving in between lanes of traffic at high speeds (cars can’t do that one). If they want the same rights, they have to follow the same laws, or at least lamely follow them like motorists and roll through stop signs and not weave through lanes of traffic.
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