THE JO-TEL …believes some of what Nathaniel and John say, but believes England is still our sovreign

Bain does some free-association reporting from the vicinity of the Bay to Breakers weekend. Bain is Hip E.’s brother.
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Friday. VBird3, Nathan, Jon and I left portland at around 230 and arrived in SF around 130. I slept out on the roof until around 5 when i was woken up by the wind in my face, after which I adjourned to the observatory […] We got up, went shopping for costumery. […]

[Saturday]. we all drove directly from sunny Russian Hill directly into a bank of fog that was passing over Golden Gate Park. We walked and walked, and kept walking, eventually stopping in a knoll that met our criteria of us not having to walk anymore. we each drank our individual bottle of tea. threw frisbees, and sat around until all of us realized that we were sitting in what was GG Park’s equivalent of a broom closet. So we wandered. We wandered to the part with the white building thing. It was a white building thing, and it was there, and so was an amphitheater where 6 skate boarders were shedding the yoke of their parents expectations. We sat around. […] we moved on to sit in another part of the park. Jon Ruff and Matt played a dangerous game of frisbee. Shannon was hit. Tourists got involved. A frisbee sprite emerged from the treeline to chase a frisbee headlong into a parked bicycle. OUCH! We were all very cold. We decided to go. We all headed back to the jo-tel. Went to bed, barely slept, and woke up.

Sunday. Put on a diaper and hit the road. Got drunk really quickly, was pissing when my pacifier fell out of my mouth. I instinctively went to catch it, releasing my hang down. The pacifier was soaked. I was soaked. It was a total disaster. patsy assaulted me, Kristin kept giving me her gum […] I kept getting beer poured down my back into my diapers, but luckily brought a change. Kept peeing like there was no tomorrow. Had a confrontation with a dude we almost ran over, exchanged many a “FUCK YOU!” with the guy, he eventually held his folded razor scooter aloft menacingly causing shark to pull in the reigns on the cart, defusing what could have been a clash of some real titans. I know we were going up the hill at that point. Jon kept getting lost. […] I saw two pairs of boobs that weren’t from our group. At the top of the hill I went for a piss with a park officer in hot pursuit. I was watching her close in on me as I was finishing up and I escaped with not a moment to spare. started down the hill. I next remember shark flying off the handle, and then i was chatting up some irish girl named sue. We danced, some naked guy kept edging closer to her, so i stepped in between and the back of my diaper got some direct wang contact. Realized I was going nowhere with the bird, [Hip E.] and I left, found stragglers and the keg, made out with stickler for 5 seconds in order to get some suckle on [CENSORED’s] boob, at some point set out in a sustained sprint through the park, lost my diaper, tried to find a cab, had my friend drive by randomly and stop long enough for me and [the] deepa to hop in the car, have my friend’s fiancee recoil in revulsion and immediately kick us out of her car. After many failed attempts at hitchhiking, we crammed 5 people into a cab, made it 2 blocks, then were given the boot for having too many people. I jumped out with [The] Deepa hot on my trail, and thankfully Nathan Kennedy had talked his way into borrowing the car from his twin’s disgusted fiancee to rescue me. Made it back to the jo-tel where vbird had found the final bottle of […] tea that was somehow not consumed the prior day, drank it thinking it wouldnt have any effect for some reason, then proceeded to have a pretty full […] experience. I have done no work this morning, so that is all.

This installment of Bain’s Corner brought to you by Shark