THE JO-TEL … illegal blog downfield

I work in Concord.  For those not familiar with the "East Bay" Concord is a North California city located 30 miles from San Francisco.  It is a suburban metropolis dropped on top of a white trailer-trash community.  Imagine the possibilities!  Imagine the mall!  

Below is a temporal log of my recent trip to the mall to get some lunch.  But first, let's review some highlights from my first trip to the mall:

•  Got scolded for not being cool enough because I didn't have any cigs to give the Concord youth congregated at the entrance. (All the Concord teens smoke because smoking is cool.)
•  Was mocked by the cell phone salesman for my blackberry which I was told was the "bean and cheese burrito of cell phones". 
•  Was derided by the sunglass salesman (!) for looking like the "Cutco Knives" guy in my business casual attire.

Wednesday, 9/26 (lunchtime):

12:23 - Entered through Macy's, endured the malodorous din of perfume in women's cosmetics.

12:26 - Withdrew money from the ATM, was forced the hear the piercing beeps when I push in my PIN. Was reminded of a previous post regarding ATM beeps.

12:28 - Decided to browse a couple stores before going to lunch. Stopped into Suncoast. Found pretty much nothing but crap. No classics section. No foreign section. Probably no foreign movies other than those starring Johnny Depp.  Quickly perused the poster rack, which was filled almost exclusively with Godfather and Scarface posters. Wondered why there are so many Godfather and Scarface posters.   

12:37 - Found out that Borders Express is the only book store at the mall. Since I don't want to buy Harry Potter books or novelizations of Owen Wilson movies, decided to skip the book store and go right to the food court.

12:43 - Chose to go to Panda Express knock-off place. The portions were smaller than I recall them being, but the food is just as bad as it always was — one notch above gut bomb.

1:08 - Walked past the pretzel store and recall that old craigslist post by a disgruntled Wentzl's Pretzels employee.

1:10 - Taunted by cell phone salesman, again, for having old blackberry. I respond that it's free. He responds, "that's the only way I'd ever use that old thing."  I respond, in my head, "I am so much better than you."

1:13 - I vacillate between which floor I must exit through Macy's from. It is difficult to tell because this is whole point of malls — they are engineered to prevent you from leaving.

1:16 - Had trouble locating car in parking lot, Honda Civics not known for standing out amongst sea of cars.

1:18 - Located car, resolved to never return to Concord mall … at least until firm upgrades obsolete blackberry.

-Shark